Cravings

It is so hard to describe the cravings that I had for a child. That you have for a child. That you have for a family of several children.

These cravings are surely righteous cravings. There is nothing at all wrong with wanting a child to nurture and love and teach to be a giver and a lover themselves. The depth of these cravings is unfathomable - we cannot find the end of them, although we know the beginning. Our body longs for a child, our soul thirsts for one. We will not be quenched until we have our baby.

How do we cope while we are waiting for our child? Our waiting might be through delayed pregnancy, infertility procedures, adoption or maybe an extended or blended family we finally claim or share.

We cannot compare these cravings to anything else we have experienced. It is not the same as craving food during a diet. It is not the same as craving water while we are exercising. It is not even the same as craving the closeness of our husband during sex or during a crisis.

I ran across a passage in the Psalms that talks about a craving for God. This is the only craving that seems to satisfy my soul's hurt for a child. But it is hard. It is not easy. It must be experienced wholeheartedly and with an open spirit. But even just a small crack allows His healing heart to meet mine and satisfy my cravings. It is only by knowing He cares and will take care of me and you in our waiting that we can survive the depths of our craving for a child within the depths of His love for us.

Psalm 63: 1-8
God—you're my God! I can't get enough of you!
I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God,
traveling across dry and weary deserts.
So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open,
drinking in your strength and glory.
In your generous love I am really living at last!
My lips brim praises like fountains.
I bless you every time I take a breath;
My arms wave like banners of praise to you.
I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy;
I smack my lips. It's time to shout praises!
If I'm sleepless at midnight,
I spend the hours in grateful reflection.
Because you've always stood up for me,
I'm free to run and play.
I hold on to you for dear life,
and you hold me steady as a post.