Hannah's Blog from 1 Samuel

My husband Elki is from Ephraim and is a man from a great family that can trace their line through many generations. I was his first wife but he had to marry another woman so that his line could continue. Penny had many children, but I had no children.

Every year we would go to Shiloh to worship at the temple and to pay our tithes. Every year I would not have a child to present to all our friends and family that we met there. We would spend time with them eating together and catching up on things. Every year I would have to smile and show them Penny's new baby and pretend to be enchanted with her new children.

But my husband loved me and was aware of my sadness and would always give me a bigger gift then Penny. We thought that God did not want me to have children, since I was almost at the end of my childbearing ability.

And every year, as she did almost every day, Penny would go out of her way to provoke and irritate me. Since she had many children, she was confused that Elki still loved me more. But although I was grateful for his love and understood Penny's motivation, I still let her get to me. She would make sure I was around when she showed off her newest babe and would make me hold it and present it to someone, while she held another of her children. How hurtful that was.

I couldn't help it. I would weep and I could not eat.

Elki was no good either. He would hound me about not crying in front of everyone. About not eating the great food Shiloh had to offer and he would remind me that he went out of his way to find my favorites. He was a good man. He could not stand it that my heart was sad.

But, the time that he said to me, "Aren't I better than 10 sons?" was the last straw! He could not understand that it was not the same thing!

So I ran out before dinner was finished and into the temple for some peace and quiet, hoping that the priest, Eli, wouldn't bother me. I couldn't understand how my life with Elki had turned out so barren of children. Penny's babies were not enough. I wanted my own and I knew that time was running out for me. How could I go on? How could I continue to love and make love to Elki with abandonment without thinking of the pain of infertility? Why wasn't God listening to me?

I was always able to pray in the temple. This time, in the midst of my tears, I made a promise to God:

"O Lord, please remember your servant and her infertility. If you will give me a son, I will know that he is Yours forever, to do Your bidding, not mine. I will only borrow him for a little while and during that time I will not cut his hair, as a reminder to me that he is really Yours."

Now as I was praying silently, Eli the priest thought I was mumbling in a drunken stupor! He approached me and asked me why I drank so much and would I consider quitting.

That was so far from the truth that I had to be careful not to laugh and be respectful to this greatest priest of our nation. I let him know that I was very depressed and not drunk and that I was only pouring out my soul before God. I begged him not to think bad of me, but because I was so upset, I just couldn't put voice to my troubles. I didn't want to start with the whole story, I knew I would never stop crying.

Eli was impressed, I could tell. But I was still so surprised that he didn't kick me out. He gave me his blessing and sincerely asked God to answer my prayers.

I answered that I now had hope again that God would answer my prayer. I went back to the dinner and ate everything that was put in front of me. I was amazed that I was no longer sad.

After we packed up and returned home, I gladly gave myself to Elki with love and peace in my heart. I was amazed to find that this time I conceived and gave birth to a son.

I named my son Samuel, meaning "the Lord heard me."

Oh yes! He was gracious and tender to the distress within my soul and I don't know why, but this time my answer was a visible one. A baby boy who would always know he belonged to God.

Read more about Hannah and Samuel in 1 Samuel.